


Snape Watches the Puppy Bowl

by Sharkeygirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 09:02:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13586763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharkeygirl/pseuds/Sharkeygirl
Summary: On the first Sunday in February, Severus and Hermione are visiting the States in preparation for a potions conference. Little do they know they are about to witness one of the cutest American traditions of all time: The Puppy Bowl!You don't need to know anything about American football or even the Puppy Bowl itself to enjoy this story. All you need to know is that Snape would never admit to enjoying a show about puppies.





	Snape Watches the Puppy Bowl

Of course they’d have the blasted conference during the coldest week of the year. 

Oh there was a logic behind it-there always was with these types of things. Their hosts, the Wizarding University of Muncie, had classes currently in session. It would be invaluable for their students to hear some of the greatest potions masters in the world discussing their advanced theories. Snape wouldn’t argue that point; in fact he had considered writing a thank you note to the university for doing its best to avoid churning out dunderheads. Still would it have been too difficult to postpone the conference until April or May?

Then again this was in part Severus' doing. There was no need to arrive a day early to get settled into a hotel room. Yet who could pass on the opportunity to partake in a free breakfast buffet? Besides it wasn't as if the rest of the week would be any warmer (in fact it sounded as if it would be colder and snowier).

Severus pressed the up arrow on the wall thermostat. A green 73 flashed on the flat grey screen. He pressed the arrow once more before making his way to a plush green chair.

“Are you away from the door?” Hermione called from the bathroom.

Severus sat down and rapped his fingers on the oaken desk beside him. “Yes love.”

“Thank you,” she called.

Hermione strolled out of the bathroom, her hair wrapped in a towel. The ivory bathrobe provided by the hotel fit her figure quite nicely. He’d have to remember to purchase one when he had the chance.

She plopped down on the queen sized bed and glanced over at him. “Are you still writing up your notes?”

“There is a formula I debated on writing down before we left. I've decided to do so lest it come up during the question and answer session.” 

“Shouldn’t you have written everything down while we were still home?”

“I have it memorized for the most part…”

“Only for the most part?”

He shrugged. “The formula is memorized, but I do like having notes to refer back to. It sets a good example for the university students who aren't as skilled or as knowledgeable as we are.”

Hermione fell into the pile pillows. “Whatever you say.”

She reached over on the bedside table and grasped a diamond ring. Then she slipped it onto her finger. 

Severus spun the chair around. He scanned the area for an ink pot, before his eyes fell on the two pens on the table-two muggle pens he might add. He grabbed one and popped off the cap. After a few moments thought he began jolting down his thoughts onto the pad.

On the surface it made far more sense to stay in a magical hotel than a muggle one, but the only magical one in the area was infested with pixies. This was no trouble for Severus, who’d already been toying with the idea of staying here anyway. If one could restrain oneself from using excessive magic, a muggle hotel was much nicer than the alternative. Magical hotels tended to lack room service, and their wine bar selection left something to be desired. Then there was the fact that magical hotels lacked one muggle device Severus enjoyed more than he cared to admit...

“Is it going to bother you if I turn on the television?” Hermione asked.

“No,” Severus answered. “Go ahead and watch whatever you’d like.”

“I’ll try to keep it down for you.” 

“Feel free to turn it up to your heart’s content. If I can block out a first year’s mindless chatter I can ignore a television.”

Hermione giggled.

Click.

Severus began writing.

“The main focus has to be on stopping their quarterback. If he’s allowed out of the pocket then it’s going to be a long game….”

Click.

“Well, what they need to focus on is a good offense. If they can strike first then they’ll have an easier time of it.”

Click.

“This is their first Super Bowl appearance in years…”

“Ugh!” Hermione groaned. “What is so special about American football? It doesn't even look like what everyone else calls football.”

“I don’t know,” Severus answered. “I suppose some people enjoy watching people smack into each other.”

“I suppose so,” Hermione mumbled.

“Then there’s his final throw in the NFC Championship game. Watch the receivers here…”

“How can the game be called football if all they do is throw it?” Hermione asked.

“I haven’t the foggiest clue,” Severus replied.

“I swear this Super Bowl is bigger than the Quidditch World Cup, and the coverage is just as obnoxious,” Hermione grumbled.

“Click.

“I think I’m pregnant with Zander’s baby.”

“Well at least this isn’t football,” Hermione noted.

“I would hope not anyway,” Severus replied. “It would be rather unfortunate if a sports game involved poor acting.”

Hermione snorted back her laughter.

As he continued to scribble down his formula, the actress on the TV attempted to explain why she and Zander could never be together, yet he was so attractive that she could not resist him. The longer she spoke the less clear her reasoning for not marrying him was. By the time the commercials began Severus assumed the lovers were kept apart in order to increase the show's runtime. 

“For only nineteen ninety-nine you too can own the best table washer in America.”

Click.

Severus paused. So far he’d used up half the pad, but he only needed to plug in a few more numbers. If he wrote small enough he might get the entire formula onto one pad. If not he could always make the piece of paper longer.

“Welcome back to the Puppy Bowl!”

Severus’ ears perked up.

“It’s the beginning of the third quarter. So far the Ruffs are up by three, but the Tuffs have the ball.”

Severus grunted. It was difficult enough to discern why anyone would want to watch people playing football. Why would anyone want to watch dogs doing it?

“It looks like Little Spot has taken the ball.”

“Ooh!”

Severus hand jerked upwards, scratching out half of what he’d written.

“That puppy is so precious,” Hermione squealed.

Severus groaned and turned around. A cocker spaniel with a large dot on its back darted across the turf with an oval-shaped ball in its jaws. In the background a Dachshund and a Chocolate Lab wrestled with each other.

“Uh oh, it looks like Little Spot is going to get tackled by Honeysuckle.”

A golden retriever came over and stood in front of Little Spot. The cocker spaniel dropped the ball and touched the other dog’s nose with its own.

“This is so adorable,” Hermione squeaked.

“You seem to think so anyway,” Severus muttered.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing worth repeating.”

Hermione shot him a look. “You don’t have to be cranky about everything. It’s okay to admit when you find something absolutely adorable.”

“I do not find this adorable in the slightest.”

A Boston Terrier growled and gnawed on a knot of ropes.

“How can you not consider that the least bit cute?” Hermione gushed.

“Simple,” Severus replied. “I remember the mutts are more than likely not house broken.”

“The field looks remarkably clean to me,” Hermione noted.

The lab rolled onto it’s belly and let out a small squeak.

“Aww,” Hermione crawled closer to the television. “You’d have to be soulless not to find all of this adorable.”

"Has it taken you this many years to realize I have no soul?"

Hermione gave him a playful glare. "You have a very beautiful soul. Your problem is that it's hidden half the time."

"Indeed," Severus replied. 

"It looks like Honeysuckle is giving her teammate a little bit of comfort."

Honeysuckle licked the labrador's ear.

"Merlin that's adorable," Hermione whispered.

“Has it ever occurred to you that this Puppy Bowl is simply a mechanism to invoke some kind of emotion so you’ll buy whatever product their advertising?” Severus asked.

"Perhaps," Hermione admitted. "But that doesn't make it any less enjoyable."

“Pete the parakeet is having trouble keeping up with all the plays,” the announcer commented.

Severus’ eyes bulged. A parakeet was pressing its beak against a toy typewriter. 

What would these muggle think of next?

“You should take a break from work. This is quite entertaining,” Hermione suggested.

“Whatever you say,” Severus muttered.

“What’s this? Bliss has the ball now?”

A poodle strutted across the screen, ball in mouth.

“Aw,” Hermione squealed. “She’s so adorable, don’t you agree?”

“I need to get back to work,” he answered before returning his attention to his formula.

“Fine, but you should come watch this when you’re done,” Hermione replied. “I think you’ll enjoy it, though God knows you’ll never admit to it.”

Severus tore the paper from the pad and crumpled it. Then he began his formula anew. 

Despite his best attempts to ignore the spectacle behind him, he couldn’t help but try to piece the game together. Within minutes it became clear that rules were there to give the appearance of a game. Sometimes a touchdown meant the dog got a football over the end zone, other times it meant the dog played with a toy in a certain way, and sometimes it seemed as if a dog scored by looking cute enough. There were “fouls” as well, but most of these were two dogs getting a little too playful together. There was no mention of bloodshed though, so it was a stretch to claim they were fighting.

“Let’s get the full story on Honeysuckle with a Pup Close and Personal!” the announcer exclaimed.

Another voice continued, “Honeysuckle was found in a home with twenty other dogs. She was severely underweight and skittish around people. She was taken to the Los Angeles County Animal Shelter, where she was slowly restored to health.”

“We first needed to get her eating, but we also needed to give her some antibiotics for a kidney infection,” a third person explained.

“Severus, you may want to watch this,” Hermione began. “This is quite fascinating.”

“I am content overhearing it,” he replied.

“Honeysuckle is one of the sweetest, most trusting dogs you will ever meet,” the third person continued. “She will make a fantastic addition to anyone’s family.”

“With all the turmoil in the world it’s nice to hear people doing something positive,” Hermione stated. “Don’t you want to watch with me? I’m sure your work can wait.”

“I am beyond pleased you are enjoying the Puppy Bowl, but it does not grab my attention,” Severus replied.

“Fine, but you are missing out on something wonderful,” Hermione replied.

“We have just gotten word that Honeysuckle has found a forever home.”

In spite of his best efforts to remain neutral, Severus’ lips tugged upwards. Good for Honeysuckle.

Severus continued jotting down his notes. The Puppy Bowl was harmless and entertaining enough. Anything which brought a smile to his wife’s face couldn’t be wholly repulsive. Besides, it was about dogs. It wasn’t as if they were featuring…

“Here are our kitten cheerleaders!”

Severus threw down the pen. 

"Let's meet Snowflake, Midnight, Tibbs, and Marmalade!"

His focus fell on Hermione. Her eyes were glued to the screen. 

“Hermione?”

She put a finger up to her mouth. His stomach lurched as he turned towards the TV.

Four kittens strutted across a pile of pompoms. A white kitten bent down and began batting at the shiny blue strings. Beside it a black one yawned before burying its head into a bright red pompom. A tabby cat lay down and closed its eyes. Then the camera zoomed in on a bright orange tabby.

Hermione’s right eye quivered. She sniffed. Severus stood up and approached her.

“Hermione?”

She swallowed.

The camera bounced from one kitten to the next while the announcer discussed how hard they’d “trained” for this moment. The orange kitten meowed before batting its paw at the lens.

“They’re all just so cute,” one of the announcers concluded.

“Indeed they are,” another answered. “We’ll be back after these commercial messages!”

“I,” Hermione took a shaky breath. “I think I’m ready.”

“Ready for what?” Severus asked.

“Are you ready for the cleanest floors you’ve ever seen?” 

Hermione muted the television. “I’m ready for another cat.”

Severus sat beside her. “Are you certain of that? Believe me there’s no rush to get one.”

She nodded and looked at him. “When we get back to Britain I want another cat.”

“I know that you carefully consider everything,” Severus began. “Still it is easy to get caught up in the moment.”

“I’ve given this some thought for the past few months,” Hermione removed the towel from atop her head and tossed it on the ground. “No animal will ever replace Crookshanks. He got me through so many difficult times, and was the best companion I could’ve asked for during my days as a student. A part of me will always miss him dearly. Still, I think it would be a great way to honor him if we adopted another cat or half-kneazle.”

“Are you certain you want another animal so soon?”

“Yes, I feel ready. We’ve had sufficient time to grieve, and the house is emptier without a pet. It feels like the right time to consider adopting another pet.”

“I will admit that things are quieter without Crookshanks,” Severus replied. “But the house is also much less hairy.”

Hermione chuckled. “It wouldn’t kill you to admit you miss Crookshanks too.”

“I do not miss Crookshanks in the slightest,” he argued. “I do not miss the way he growled at me during our courtship, the way he knocked over my book piles, or the way he put his paws on my face at six in the morning.” 

“But…” Hermione drawled with a twinkle in her eyes.

“I do miss the way he made you smile.” Severus sighed. "I confess it was sometimes pleasant to have him on my lap in the evenings. He could prove quite entertaining when chasing a light beam on the floor. I suppose as far as half-kneazles go he wasn’t entirely unpleasant.” 

Hermione smiled. “For the record he loved you too.”

“He tolerated my existence anyway,” Severus replied.

Hermione ran her fingers through her damp hair. “Please Severus, can we please adopt a cat or a half kneazle?.”

“Before we do anything we need to consider some of the logistics.”

“Like what?”

“Who will care for it while we travel?”

“I’m sure Draco and Ginny would be more than happy to oblige. If we were gone for too extended of a time we could leave it with them. Ginny loves cats, and she got along famously with Crookshanks.”

“What about pet care products? Surely a new cat wouldn’t want to use Crookshanks’ old letterbox or play with his old toys.”

“Cats don’t care who owned what first. Still if it’s that big a concern we have the money to buy new things”

“What about hair? I did not appreciate orange hair on my black robes.”

“I’m not opposed to getting a black cat. Perhaps it would be best to get a different color of feline anyway, to signal our new beginning.”

Severus shook his head. Hermione gave him the sweetest grin she could muster before concluding, “It will make me happy to have another cat. Deep down inside, I know you will be happier with a purring cat on your lap as well.”

He answered, “There’s a new animal shelter in Godrich’s Hollow. Once this conference is complete we can visit and determine which cat you would like to adopt.”

Hermione pulled him into her arms. “Oh thank you Severus! Thank you!”

Severus wrapped his arms around her. “You are most welcome.”

“You’ll see,” Hermione replied. “The new cat will love you, and while you will be loath to admit it, you’ll love it too.”

He raised an eyebrow. “We’ll see how true that is.” 

Hermione brushed his lips. “I do love you, even when you’re being difficult.”

“I love you as well,” Severus replied. “Even when you’re subjecting me to Puppy Bowls and half-kneazles.”

Hermione gave him a playful pout before turning the sound back on.

“It looks like the Ruffs have just scored the game winning touchdown!”

The camera panned to a dachshund holding a football in its mouth. Prerecorded cheers rang from the cardboard crowd. 

Hermione placed a hand on her husband’s shoulder. “You can watch with me. I won’t tell anyone you liked the Puppy Bowl.”

“I do not enjoy this Puppy Bowl in the slightest,” Severus argued.

“The Ruffs will move on to face the winner of the last playoff game, Team Fluff.”

A panting German Shepard appeared on the screen. 

Severus allowed himself to grin. Never would he say it aloud, but these puppies were far more entertaining than writing up conference notes.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is dedicated to Francesca, my cat who sadly passed away last August. After grieving for a few months I adopted another rescue cat, who is a complete and total cutie! Rescue cats truly are some of the best pets in the world, and always leave quite the impression on your heart.


End file.
